Emotional intelligence at work

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Have you ever worked for a boss who is highly emotional and high-strung all the time? It’s as if every moment were a crisis.

One person complained:

“My boss is so emotional, their annual performance review turned into a group therapy session — with snacks and crying.”

Another one said:

“Our office runs on coffee, WiFi and our boss’s mood swings.”

And then this situation is exacerbated by the entry of Gen Z, labeled as the most anxious and emotional generation ever.

This is not a sweeping generalization, obviously, for I have worked with incredibly cool, calm and intelligent Gen Z professionals in my leadership training. Yet, when I point this out, I kid you not, two-thirds of my participants would nod vigorously in agreement.

The workplace now values emotional intelligence (EQ) as its most important asset because it helps people manage their daily responsibilities and make decisions under time pressure.

Different roles may require different emotional intelligence strengths, but the core habits — like managing the quiet pause before a reaction — are universally beneficial.

We often praise emotionally intelligent people for what they do: they listen well, manage stress and offer thoughtful feedback.

But perhaps as important, if not more so, is what they deliberately avoid doing.

Here are seven habits that emotionally intelligent individuals sidestep — choices that may seem small in the moment, but that build trust, credibility and leadership over time.

1. They don’t react on impulse.

When emotions run high, it’s tempting to fire off an email, lash out in a meeting or jump to conclusions. Emotionally intelligent people resist this urge, but doing so can be difficult when workplace stress or deadlines pressure us. They pause, breathe and act with awareness instead of instinct.

2. They don’t bottle up emotions.

People with emotional intelligence show their true feelings instead of pretending to be okay when they actually feel bad. But here is the caveat: they recognize their emotions and learn to manage them before deciding to express them to others. Through this approach, they demonstrate authentic emotional sharing without forcing others to handle their feelings. The practice leads to developing workplaces that feel more like actual human communities.

3. They don’t criticize to wound.

For emotionally intelligent individuals, feedback is never a weapon. They don’t criticize to humiliate or correct to assert power. Instead, they frame their input with empathy and a desire to help others grow. They aim to improve — not to punish.

4. They don’t gossip.

People find gossip to be highly appealing. The process of building relationships through gossip creates short-term connections that grant brief periods of control. Choosing to avoid gossip helps you build trust and integrity, fostering a more positive and respectful workplace environment.

5. They don’t dwell on failure.

Setbacks are inevitable. But emotionally intelligent people don’t turn failure into a personal indictment. The team extracts the lesson before they clean themselves up to continue their journey. The team recognizes that their errors help them grow rather than determine their worth. The way people think about failure shapes their ability to withstand challenges, which in turn leads to enduring achievement.

6. They don’t avoid difficult conversations.

People with emotional intelligence recognize that hard conversations serve an essential purpose. They handle all necessary tasks without delay when they need to give challenging feedback, resolve conflicts or establish limits. People prepare for discussions by keeping their emotions under control and treating everyone with respect. People who grasp this principle understand that hiding the truth causes more harm than expressing it directly.

7. They don’t hold grudges.

Yes, they get hurt. Yes, they feel betrayed at times. But emotionally intelligent people refuse to let bitterness take root. Choosing forgiveness frees you from past burdens, allowing you to focus on growth and future success.

Here’s the secret superpower of emotional intelligence: restraint.

The wisdom to hold back the sharp remark.

The instinct to pause before passing judgment.

The humility to let go of ego when it’s itching to take the wheel.

In business and in life, the most brilliant move is often the one we don’t make.

Real growth isn’t just measured by how we perform at our best, but by how we manage ourselves at our worst.

Good emotional intelligence isn’t some mystical trait reserved for the few — it’s a leadership skill, and like any skill, it can be trained and sharpened and strengthened.

I’ve seen it fit again and again. And yes — the results speak louder than any outburst ever could.

Catch Kongversations with Francis on YouTube and all major podcast platforms—Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and more. Plus, listen to Inspiring Excellence wherever you stream.