How can we judge without being judgmental?

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“Stop judging, that you may not be judged” (Matthew 7:1). Is the first part of this command possible? Is it even advisable?

A stranger dangles a get?rich?quick scheme and pressures you to make an even quicker decision. You grow suspicious and step back. Haven’t you already made a judgment? Yes—and wisely so. After all, quick schemes often turn out to be quicker scams.   

You don’t just let unexpected visitors into your home even if they claim a common friend. You don’t just click on a link from a random email even if it promises you big discounts. We make, and need to make, judgments all the time.

Now I hope you don’t judge me too quickly when I admit I can sometimes be judgmental. And so I direct this not only to you; it is a question I am also asking myself: How can we judge without being judgmental?

Judgment is about discernment. It entails considering context, weighing evidence, and then—and only then—enacting a reasoned decision. Being judgmental is about condemnation. It equates one action to a person’s entire identity. It erases complexity and reduces someone to a label. It excludes nuance and possibility for change. Without first listening and without trying to understand, it dismisses someone as if this is all they ever are and all they ever will be.

I think that “Stop judging” is better expressed as “Stop being judgmental; stop condemning.”

One concrete example: When a friend confides in us about her decision to separate from her husband, and we too quickly proclaim, “That’s a mistake. You are throwing away your vows, and you are breaking up your family,” then we are falling into judgmentalism and condemnation. Perhaps what we need to do is suppress knee-jerk reactions and say, “That’s a big decision, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy.” Maybe the first question we should ask before, “Why?” is “How are you feeling?” Only after opening up space for this friend should we then risk a more delicate question, “What led you to this point?”

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with your friend’s decision; you can still make your own judgment about the case (though you don’t always have to share it). But this acknowledges her experience without minimizing what she has gone through and without endorsing or rejecting it outright. Your friend may then opt to share more. This will help separate your judgment of the situation from her worth as a person. This will help keep the relationship open.  

All this can be found more clearly explained in self-help books and life-coaching manuals. Is there anything our reading today from John 14:1-12 adds? How can we judge without being judgmental?

One verse from our Gospel today is, for me, truly Good News: “In my Father's house, there are many dwelling places.” When I find myself being judgmental and narrow-minded, I remind myself of this truth. God’s heart is big enough to have space for all of us—the strong and the struggling, the certain and the still searching, the saints and the sinners.

Proofs: He dined with prostitutes and tax collectors. As long as they were willing to engage, he conversed with Pharisees (Nicodemus in John 3) and foreign women who couldn’t even believe he was talking to them (see John 4). Even among Jesus’ first disciples we see God’s wide embrace. There were impetuous fishermen like Simon Peter (Matthew 4:18–20; 14:28-31), serious doubters like Thomas (John 20:24–25), men without guile like Nathanael (John 1:47), and those who remained faithful even at the cross, like John (John 19:25–27). And I think it was not just John who was Beloved. All of them were loved by Jesus.

Why did Jesus welcome them? I think it was because Jesus saw people as works in progress. That is why, in the Gospel according to Mark, he kept on trying to teach the disciples though they kept on misunderstanding him. I imagine that some time before Judas betrayed him, Jesus must have suspected something was amiss. But Jesus kept Judas in his circle, perhaps hoping he would change. Jesus was never one to condemn. As he himself said, “God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him” (John 3:17).

A better translation of Matthew 7:1: “Stop condemning, that you may not be condemned.” This is not a threat meant to frighten us into submission, as if God were saying to us, “If you condemn others, then I will condemn you.” Rather, it reveals the natural consequence of our actions. When we condemn others, we shrink our own hearts. We cut ourselves off from the chance to widen our circles, to welcome more people into our lives, and to discover the richness of God’s family. In condemning others, we end up condemning ourselves and closing the doors through which grace might enter.

Your prayer assignment this week:

Recall a time when you not only judged but were judgmental. Whom have you been unwilling to let into your life. Now remember the words of Jesus: “In my Father's house, there are many dwelling places.” Imagine what God’s house of many rooms looks like. If it helps, maybe you can pray with the words of the song “Somewhere” from West Side Story:

There's a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us, somewhere.

There's a time for us
Someday a time for us
Time together with time to spare
Time to learn, time to care
Someday!

This place and time of belonging won’t come magically. It will need effort:

Hold my hand and we're halfway there
Hold my hand and I'll take you there

We need to hold hands, and we need our hands to be held by God.

Again, in our Father’s house, there are many dwelling places. This promise is not only about heaven; it is also about earth, where Easter calls us to live as if heaven has already begun. There is room for all of us, for every kind of person, in this heaven?on?earth. If there is space only for one kind of people, then it is not heaven... yet.

Fr. Francis teaches Theology, Education and Scripture at both the Ateneo de Manila University and Loyola School of Theology. As a classroom teacher, he is first and foremost a student. As a professor, he sees himself primarily as a pastor.