Men worry they masturbate too often, but here"s why they should do it anyway

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When it comes to masturbation, the male patients who come to Dr. Deano Reyes, the medical director of holistic gender and sexual health clinic Hara Clinic, usually think they’re indulging themselves too much.

In fact, they go to sex therapy because they think they’re “addicted” to masturbation. But when compared to global averages, his patients actually masturbate within an advisable range.

This is because according to a Harvard study that covered some 30,000 American men, men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month had a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer compared to men who reported ejaculating four to seven times a month across their lifetimes. 

The prostate, explains Harvard, is a reproductive organ that produces fluid for the ejaculate.

“When you ejaculate, it may help flush out the potential carcinogens from the prostate gland. Regular ejaculation decreases the concentration of toxins and crystal-like structures that can accumulate in your prostate, and then that will reduce the inflammation. For most cancers, it's [really] inflammation that can trigger the cancer to happen,” Reyes says.

Masturbation also reduces stress and anxiety, with neurotransmitters like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin (“Your feel-good hormones,” says Reyes.) running through your brain during the activity. These can improve one’s mood.

Prolactin, produced by the pituitary gland, is also released during masturbation. “It’s a relax hormone,” Reyes explains. 

These contribute to the so-called “post-nut clarity,” giving one a satisfied, calm, and drowsy feeling after ejaculation.

This also means better sleep. In fact, masturbation has also been linked to improved immune function.

Couples who are trying to have a baby will benefit from male masturbation, as well. According to Reyes, frequent ejaculation can flush out older sperm, improving sperm quality because “the older the sperm, the more prone to DNA damage."

(Are you a woman who wonders if masturbation is a safe and normal thing to do? This article about masturbation is for you.)

When masturbation becomes a problem

Filipino males commonly start masturbating at 12 years old, and they continue doing so about once to thrice a week in their adulthood, which, says Reyes, is below the global average. “Once a week to every day is very, very normal,” he adds. 

But for Filipino men who were raised in a predominantly Catholic culture, masturbation can come with guilt. These religious beliefs cause them to label masturbation as “bad”. For Reyes, it is worth considering these negative feelings within that light. 

“Daily masturbation is normal as long as it doesn’t cause pain or irritation [and] interference with daily life or work or relationships,” he stresses. 

“And hindi siya nagiging compulsive or matches addiction-like patterns which is ‘yung, when it really does cause you distress and when it gets in the way of the other aspects of your life.”

(“And it doesn’t become compulsive or matches addiction-like patterns which is when it really does cause you distress and when it gets in the way of the other aspects of your life.”)

There are also cases when men masturbate too often and it affects their relationships because they aren’t able to sustain their erection when they’re having intercourse with their partners. 

“The main reason for that is because — when they masturbate, alam nila saan ilalapat ang kamay nila, they know what feels good, which doesn’t always translate to the partner…. Filipino culture ang maging mahiyain, so you don’t usually communicate to your partner about what you like. So nagkakaroon ng disconnect doon,” Reyes explains.

(“The main reason for that is because when they masturbate, they know where to place their hands, they know what feels good, which doesn’t always translate to the partner. It’s part of Filipino culture to be shy, so you don’t usually communicate to your partner about what you like. So the disconnect arises from there.”)

Naturally, the advice he gives his patients is to talk to their partners. “Coach them through it. Tell them what you do on your own. Show them,” he says.

It doesn’t help that masturbation is seen as something that has to be kept hidden, adding another layer of silence to the expression of sexual desire. 

“Even between mga married couples parang tinatago nila ‘yun. Nahihiya sila…. There’s a lot of shame kung nahuhuli sila ng partner nila,” Reyes says.

(“Even between married couples they hide it. They’re embarrassed. There’s a lot of shame if their partner catches them doing it.”)

The right response

So how should you react if you catch your partner in the act?

“It’s a very private moment. I think kung ikaw ‘yung nakahuli, it’s very important to not take it personally…. It’s good when people explore together pero sometimes… gusto mo lang just to do it by yourself…. You don’t want the added pressure of pleasing your partner. You just want to focus on making yourself feel good,” says Reyes.

(“It’s a very private moment. I think if you catch your partner doing it, it’s very important to not take it personally. It’s good when people explore together, but sometimes you want to just do it by yourself. You don’t want the added pressure of pleasing your partner. You just want to focus on making yourself feel good.”)

This doesn’t mean that the person masturbating is no longer attracted to his partner or no longer wants to be with his partner. 

“So kung ikaw ‘yung nakahuli, it’s okay…. Just say, ‘Sorry. Go finish up.’ Laugh about it because it is funny naman…. It's a very light, funny thing and I think that’s the healthiest way to go about it,” Reyes says. 

(“So if you were the one who caught him in the act, it’s okay. Just say, ‘Sorry. Go finish up.’ Laugh about it because it is funny. It’s a very light, funny thing and I think that’s the healthiest way to go about it.”)

Of course, it is possible to infringe on other people’s rights when masturbating. 

“Definitely do it by yourself. If you want to put on a show, you gotta ask for consent,” Reyes warns. “People don’t want to see your penis all the time. You have to ask them if they want to.”

Crossing the line into other people’s personal space is a big no-no. Public masturbation is also wrong. 

Where to seek advice

Men who have concerns about their penises can go to the urologist or an andrologist, the difference being the former “focuses on the penis… not just on its ability to do sex things,” while the latter specializes in sexual health, says Reyes. 

While there are very few andrologists like him in the Philippines, there is some good news, according to Reyes. 

“Cultural and religious beliefs have really traditionally stigmatized the discussions around masturbation, [right]? [But] there was another study [that says] around 45 percent of Filipino adolescents generally now have a positive attitude towards masturbation and a growing acceptance of the practice,” says Reyes.

“I think those are good numbers.” — LA, GMA Integrated News